Trembling Atonement
by kate-7h
Summary: After months of searching, they'd finally found it. The tiniest crack between earth and Purgatory. With what was left of his angelic grace, Castiel was sure he could push it wide enough for him and Dean to escape. Slash if you squint I suppose, but I wasn't really going for it. An idea from the little info we received at Comic Con


After months of searching, they'd finally found it. The tiniest crack between earth and Purgatory. With what was left of his angelic grace, Castiel was sure he could push it wide enough for him and Dean to escape.

Purgatory was far too submerged; he was cut off from heaven. It was like he was when the apocalypse loomed over them. Human. Except this time around he wasn't ashamed.

"Cas, do you see it?" Dean said hopefully, pulling Castiel forward by his torn sleeve. There was light, not the unnatural haze of grey glow that Purgatory emitted. Light and hope from earth just streaming through the black cloud the looked almost solid.

"I see, Dean," Castiel whispers, tears gleaming over his eyes because he's so elated.

Dean pulls him forward, "Let's get to it before some monster tries to eat our faces off."

Dean had spoken too soon. Hundreds of monsters came swarming from the dead trees. Werewolves, zombies, shifters, _Jefferson Starships, _and so many unnamable beings clawed towards them, screaming and howling.

They ran for the crack, monsters nipping at their heels. They clung to each other to prevent one or the other from being dragged away; a meal that would never satisfy.

It was foolish, but he was in a panic. They had to get away, Dean _had _to survive. Castiel blasted them back, the white light blinding the ghoals and ghosts. Dean shielded his eyes just in time. The dark of Purgatory was getting darker, but he blinked it away.

"Cas? Cas!" Dean's voice floated through the darkness. Castiel realized he was on the cold ground.

"Cas, come on! We're so close! Just get up!" Dean was pulling him up. It made Castiel dizzy.

He shook his head jerkily, "I'm fine, let's go before they come back."

The howls of the monsters were already returning. Castiel ran as best as he could along with Dean since Dean refused to release the back of his coat.

At last they reached it. The light was warm on their faces. Dean pressed his hand against the crack and smiled, "We're almost home, Sammy. Almost there." He dropped his hand and moved aside to give Castiel room.

Castiel willed all his strength forward. Both hands pressed at either side of the narrow crack, he pushed. It hurt. Immensely. But he couldn't stop. They were too close and they'd come too far. There was no way they would stay longer in the unbearable dark. It was time to feel the sun.

He pushed and pushed, his grace was weak inside him but he kept going. The crack was giving out, centimeter by centimeter. Castiel felt warm liquid drip from his nose with the effort. He was shaking. Dean laid a hand on his back, silent support. It helped.

The sounds of the monsters was nearing. They had little time. The crack was nearly large enough to fit a child through, not Dean yet.

It was that moment Castiel realized. He would not be able to hold this crack open for himself. Once he let go, there was no keeping it open for any length of time. Dean would escape, but only Dean. That was it. Castiel would be trapped for all eternity in the pit of hungry souls.

He would be trapped in the mess that he'd created in the first place.

As he held his arms tremblingly firm, he bowed his head. In this instant he would atone for his sins and one thing good would come from his measly redemption: Dean would return home.

"Dean, go! I can't hold it long!" Castiel lowered his voice. He couldn't let the dispair through with the strain.

"Alright Cas," Dean slipped through Castiel's arms and crept through the crack, gripping Castiel's forearm.

"We gotta be quick, you let go on the count of three and I'll pull you out," Dean yelled as the wind blew at his back into the dark.

Castiel looked up, his eyes pained as the blood oozed from his nose and was blown across the side of his face. His mouth was tight as he shook his head once.

Dean understood almost immediately, "No. No no nonono! Cas! I'm not leaving you here!"

"There's no time, Dean! I can't get through fast enough. You have to let go!"

Dean was shaking his head rapidly, "Not without you! Not again! You're not disappearing again!"

Castiel shouted against the shove of the wind, "It's better this way! Just let me go!"

Bracing both his feet against the sides of the crack, Dean reached in and gripped left and right forearms, "Don't you say that again. Nothing's better whenever you say that. Nothing ever gets better! Next to Sam, you are my brother and I won't let you do this! Just let me help you!"

Castiel was glad the wind was hard against his face, it kept his eyes dry, "I told you I'd find a way to redeem myself. This is it. Let! Go!"

The monsters were loud, scrambling to enter the light. Dean shook his head as a tear fell, then he released Castiel's arms, leaving them cold. Castiel bowed his head and let the crack close with the loud clap.

And the red eyes surrounded him as he fell into unconsciousness.


End file.
